Dear E,

Since moving to AZ I have been really committed to living a better Christian life then we have in the past. I was born and raised in the church and loved every minute of it and had great friends I grew up with in the church too. I think having those relationships helped me stay out of trouble in high school. Sure we did the occasional "bad" thing but for the most part us girls were pretty good kids and stayed out of trouble. I was definitely the worse out of the bunch but I blame it on my crazy screwed up home life. The other girls came from great 2 parent households where they only had two kids and got lots of mother daughter time. I would pick on them and how close they were to their mothers and how spoiled they were because that's the only way I knew how to deal with the jealousy I had of their lives. I always wanted to stay the night at one of their houses just to feel spoiled and normal myself for a couple days. Their parents always took me in and loved me like I was theirs. Maggie was the most well behaved and (I don't know how to say this) courageous (maybe) when it came to doing the right thing. No matter how much pier pressure we put on her she always did the right thing. I have to say I can be pretty convincing a lot of the time. I always wanted her parents to write a parenting book so I would know how to raise my kids with as much respect for me as she had for them. You know even if she did cave in and do something bad, it really wasn't even that bad, she would always confess to them what she did wrong. I thought it dumb at the time but now I can only hope you guys have the same respect for us that she had for her parents. I think back and try to remember all the things they did like always sitting down for dinner together which I made myself a part of regularly. Having family game night which was another thing I teased her about because I wish I could have had one too. In the end I am grateful for the house I was raised in it made me as passionate as I am to give you boys the family life I never had and always wanted. I hate that I didn't have the courage to change when your brother was born and that I am taking the easy way out by doing it now when we have a fresh start but I guess it's better late then never. I hope you see I tried my best to give you the life I think you deserve and I know it probably won't be filled with all the material things you have wanted but I hope you received all the love and attention you deserved. I love you sweet boy.

Love,
Momma